How I Spent My Twentieth Birthday: A Dramatic Short Story in Four Parts

(Please note that this story was thought out in a British accent)

Part 1: Pre-Game

    The week was shaping out to be spectacular.  Mine and Chloe’s birthday party was Thursday and it went smashingly.  The Olympics started Friday night.  And Saturday, oh my.  Saturday was my birthday and I was going home.  I was excited for the quality birthday time I would get to spend with my family,  My anticipation was so great that I did not even sleep the night before.  I was a doe-eyed believer in the magic of modern technology and airplanes.  They had never failed me before, there was no way they could fail me now.  I arrived at the Provo Airport (courtesy of Karrae) bright and early at seven a.m.  The tiny little airport was packed with Latinos and babies (but not Latino babies).  Right away I could tell that this was going to be an adventure.  Onwards! Forwards!

Part 2: Game Time

    The hour-long flight to Denver was uneventful.  As Rebecca Black might say, I was kickin’ it in the back seat of the plane.  We arrived in Denver right on time courtesy of Frontier Airlines.  My next task was to entertain myself for three hours.  ‘Twas an easy feat, as I simply watched “The Artist” and the Olympics.  I worried not about purchasing nourishment, as I would be home just in time for lunch.  And finally, I was called: Great Lakes flight to Prescott, AZ with a short stop in Page.  The plane was exciting, just a small twenty seater filled with tourists and people who were just going home like me.  The ride itself was more fun than any roller coaster.  Another hour and a half later we touched down in Page, we all departed the plane, and said farewell to our new friends.

Part 3: Overtime

    Upon exiting the plane, we were informed that we would have a short twenty minute layover to refuel.  This was fine as I found this explanation completely logical.  However, the twenty minutes soon passed, and the promise of re-boarding was denied.  Apparently there was “paperwork” to be done (remember this word “paperwork”).  Finally, after a hour and twenty minute layover, we were finally able to re-board the plane.  Our copilot greeted us and as we buckled down announced that we would be arriving in Los Angeles in an hour and a half.

“But nay,” exclaimed my fellow Prescott-bound traveler, “what about the stop in Prescott?”

“Nay indeed,” responded our copilot.  He then proceeded to mumble something about the weather and radar and how the two weren’t mixing together.  Our translation of this was that there was bad weather in Prescott which prohibited our entrance.  (Upon further investigation we found that Prescott and the surrounding areas were mostly sunny all day.)  My thoughts were: “It is monsoon season.  Just wait fifteen minutes and the storm will blow over.”  However, my thoughts were both silent and insignificant in the decision making process.

“Very well,” I concluded, “We shall endure this re-route in patience."

    As promised we arrived in Los Angeles just short of two hours later.  The pilots offered an apology about the re-route and promised once again that we would be on our way to Prescott in no more than twenty minutes.  Once again we departed the plane at gate 81B and, this time, went to find some nourishment.  Upon our return to the gate, the Flight Information Lady informed us that we have to make our way to gate 82, collect our new boarding passes, and return to 81B.  This we did, and we waited twenty, thirty, forty minutes as the plane was refueled.  Finally, we were approached by the nice Flight Information Man who gave us our boarding passes.  He informed us that there had been a gate change, and could we please accompany him back to gate 82.  We complied, and proceeded to sit in gate 82 for another hour.  In this time we watched Flight Information Man, Flight Information Woman, and five different pilots socializing and filling out the necessary “paperwork” for departure.  

    In this “paperwork” time, we observed the airport workers transferring our luggage to the new plane, both pilots depositing their own luggage on the plane, do a visual inspection of the plane, and open and close the door of the plane five times.  At long last we were able to board the plane to Prescott after a five hour total redirection to Los Angeles.  Where I was supposed to arrive to the sunny and cheerful Prescott, I arrived in dark and cloudy Prescott.  Night had fallen. After thirteen hours in either an airport or a plane (six hours of which should never have happened), and four states later, I had finally arrived at my destination.  And there to meet me were my mama and my papa.  It was indeed good to finally touch down on the green, green grass of home.

Part 4: Post-game Notes

On the flight home I made several observations:

1. The shadows on the mountains at sunset make creepy faces
2. There is a small landmass somewhere in Arizona that looks like the complete United States
3. Be prepared to entertain yourself for an extra three hours of flight time, just in case
4. Waiting for an hour long layover is being patient.  Waiting for five hours makes you feel like cargo
5. My one highlight was observing the flight deck during take-off and landing
6. And unfortunately, Great Lakes flights are now the poster children for inefficiency

‘Twas indeed an adventure I had been through.  And it was an adventure that, as the great Poe once wrote, now I quoth “NEVERMORE!!!”